Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
