Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
