Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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