she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
