you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
