My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
