I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
