so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize