@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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