I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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