You work out of a Hotel?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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