Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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