this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
