what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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