You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
