I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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