I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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