I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
