dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
