If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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