mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
