i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
