just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
