New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
