I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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