after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
