I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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