i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
