If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
