I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i think im in europe. pls send help
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
