i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
