I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
