She said her name was "party"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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