how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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