No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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