I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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