I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
