I showed him my bush... on skype.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
