Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
