your thong is hanging out like whoa
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
