so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
