So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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