he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
