It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
