just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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