i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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