I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
