its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
