Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
