Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
