He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
