After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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