My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
