I heard we made out
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
