I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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