Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
