i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
