Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
