I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
