I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
