he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize