i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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