apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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