If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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