smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
