I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
