Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
