just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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