I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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