Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
