She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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