We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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