wrigley field is MILF paradise
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
