May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
