So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
