God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
