Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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