Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
