When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize