Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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