You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
